Spurian FreePress
"Volume 2, Issue 3" ...
Editor's Note: The Spurian Free Press has gone through many changes in the past few months. But now the dust has settled and we are rebuilding from the ground up. The paper has two co-editors - Maren Vonalte and Lii Dvo, as well as old and new writers. The SFP is about you, the readers, and for you. Whether to inform or to make you laugh, we promise to do it all. And if you want, we'll even hang Lii up in the square and let you smack him around a few times.
Table of Contents
Your News Quickly
Emjedah Tournament
The Wyverns In Spur
Power and Passion: The Turbulent Saians
Interview With Regent Noffbrau Part 1
Interview With Regent Noffbrau Part 2
Heard Around Town
The Punctuality of Spurian Officials and Merchants
An Odarian Is
Ask Danilova
--------------
Your News Quickly
by Miss Sapphire
I cannot always be lurking in the shadows at every waking
moment, so if you have a bit of news or have an announcement
you wish to be printed, send it to SFPSapphire@hotmail.com.
The Human Council have recently opened up their long in
coming food shop at the Traveler's Rest on Trade Way. You can
purchase anything from different types of salads to desserts, and
even a luncheon basket filled with goodies. However, the
merchant guild's policies on shops have changed and the Human
Council are now giving up this shop, though there is still plenty of
delicious food left.
In the mid-afternoon of 1-1-319, the bells of the city clock
tower rang out loudly eight times with a strange hushed silence
coming across the city as the bells rang. According to a mounted
city guard, the tolling of the bells were in honor of the seven
deities of the heavens and the one who fell in the streets of Spur.
As to whom the eighth tolling of the bells were for, I cannot for
certain say. A few moments after the bells, the sky above the city
suddenly turned a thick black color as a massive circling pack of
birds formed above the city. Suddenly, the carrion birds began to
dive down and attack anything they saw on the streets.
The dragon Bodhi also staged black on the same day. His
new bondmate Julia the Secian is proud and will soon be
collecting all things black in honor of Bodhi.
Recently, Tir the Go-blin-al led Silkyn the Arachnian into a
trap. The Arachnian thought they were going to deal in business
when in reality, Tir brought Silkyn to become food for a wyvern.
Tir was rewarded with armor for a job well done.
More Wyverns have been spotted about town. Each with a
different mind and different personalities. Few have tried to kill
them, few have tried to save them, though most tend to mind their
own business.
After the votes were counted in the Saian temple, Noffbrau
Trenkill was named their Regent. While many Saians are horrified
at this turn of events, Noffbrau has brushed their concerns aside.
As one of his duties as Regent, he had Silkyn the Arachnian
fighter convert from Taath to Sa.
A mounted city guard mistook the Human Tara for a street
harlot, telling her, "I have no coin to pay you for your services,
but thank you for the offer" He later realized his mistake, or
probably didn't care either way, and asked her on a date at the
Rose, doing what Tara loved to do best - drink and drink. The
guard even flashed Tara a "large rainbow diamond" from his
pants in broad daylight. No word on whether Tara took the
guard up on his offer.
Emjedah Tournament
by Miss Sapphire
The Crusader's Crown was held in the city of Emjedah on November 7. Four teams - Sa, Set, Taath, and Unknown - faced up against each other in double elimination combat.
The roster for each team was:
Sa - Noffbrau the Hithual, Juster the San Elf, Gossamer the Drag-al, and Balzar the Drag-al
Set - Montis the Monitanian, Aeyon the Arachnian, Fang the Arachnian, and Rytul the San Elf
Taath - Tbor the Monitanian, Tragick the Arachnian, Jurax the Penthanian, and Maren the Usil Elf
Unknown - Osire the Hithual, Loden the Hithual, Merant the Hithual, and Dace the Monitanian
The rules were basic enough - no magick items, no shields, no harmful prayers or prayers that could resurrect the dead, and so on. Each round would have three players against three players and the round would go on until all of one team were dead. While this was going on, Tennant the San Elf was holding a raffle. Winners would win either a custom weapon made out of niello, or one of two magick items. Also, Tir the Go-blin-al was holding bets.
|
The first round was Sa versus Set. The odds were that Set
would win, mainly because Aeyon and Fang were Arachnians,
heart and sword respectively. Noffbrau, Gossamer, and Balzar
entered the ring along with Montis, Aeyon, and Fang. In a
surprising upset, Montis was taken out first and the Arachnians
soon followed. Sa had won.
The second round was Taath versus Unknown. Most people
betted that Unknown would win against Taath. Pretty much only
Tragick the Arachnian voted for Taath's team. Tbor, Tragick,
and Maren entered along with Osire, Loden, and Merant. Osire
earlier had told the crowd that Dace would probably be an hour
late. When Tennant called for the match to begin and the dust
settled, three Hithual corpses littered the arena floor. Taath had
won, causing many people to lose money.
The third round was Set versus Unknown, each with one
loss against them. If either team lost this round, they would be out
of the tournament for good. Set decided to go with Montis,
Fang, and Rytul while Unknown, still without a Dace in sight,
stayed with Osire, Loden, and Merant. In the end, Set won and
Unknown was out.
The fourth round was Sa versus Taath, both at the time had
one win under their belts and no losses. Sa stuck with Noffbrau,
Gossamer, and Balzar while Taath went with Tbor, Tragick and
Jurax. Jurax fell quickly, some say because the Matriarch refused
to heal the Penthanian mage (there is no love lost between
Arachnians and Penthanians) and Sa defeated Taath.
The fifth round was Taath versus Set, each with one loss
against them. Taath stayed with Tbor, Tragick, and Jurax while
Set stayed with Montis, Fang, and Rytul. The battle was fierce
but Set defeated Taath.
The sixth round was Sa versus Set. The pressure was on for
Set's team. They had already gone up against Sa's team in the
first round and lost badly. Also, Sa had no losses against them
while Set had one. Sa went with Noffbrau, Balzar, and
Gossamer while Set went with Montis, Fang, and Rytul. Rytul fell
early in the round and Montis followed soon after, but not after
Set killed Noffbrau. With only an Arachnian against two mages,
both flying because of Balzar's flying spells, and their familiars, it
was a heated battle. Tennant accidentally called no familiars,
though Balzar's air elemental still kept attacking Fang during that
short period, though quickly recalled that rule change. Fang was
able to kill Balzar and Gossamer forfeited the round.
...In the end
Set's team
had won the
Crusader's Crown...
With both teams having one loss against them, the seventh round began. This round was quick and painless. Set's team took down Balzar and jumped on Gossamer. All that was left was
Noffbrau, but he was soon dead.
Each team received prizes provided by the hosts of the tournament. The winners of the raffle was Juster who won a magick item that revealed those in the shadows, Tragick who
won a magick item that healed but she quickly gave it to Tbor, and Vallek the Frontacian who won the custom weapon made out of niello.
The Wyverns In Spur
by Ellery Talbot
As I'm sure most of you readers are already aware, the city
of Spur has
been plagued with wyvern attacks over the past few weeks, at
least. What you
might not be aware of is how the situation involving these massive
creatures
came about. In a recent interview with one of the drakes who has
resided near
the city for many years, some interesting new information was
brought to light.
The dragon refused to be named, but he is most
definitely a credible source of
information. Many Spurians are aware that dragons are to be
blamed for the
wyverns' relocation to the Dark Woods and the western fields of
Spur, but
until now it has not been clear why. I was sure to take careful
notes of my
interview, and the story the dragon told me has been reprinted
here in full with
some minimal editing for readability.
"The wyverns did come to Spur because of our
actions, but it wasn't
because of our arrogance that they did like that Leuian insists on
telling
people. I even told him this story but he's neglected to print it.
[The
Leuian referred to is Melraath Silentpaw.] Anyway, the whole
business with the
wyverns started out when the dracos and some secians around
Spur and Treehaven
started finding these objects, crystalline spherical things that
seemed to
project emotions. They hated being in the hands of dragons, they
liked secians,
and they were indifferent towards those of other races. It wasn't
exactly
clear what they were, though from the beginning I had a feeling
they were wyvern
eggs from the beginning and told my kyn this but they didn't
believe me,
especially the secians. Weldoian and Verbaniah thought they
were some kind of
ancient artefacts to hold back an evil force.
They didn't listen to me and kept these objects,
ignorant of what they
really were. A human named Venesil or .... Vesenil, I forget
exactly how
it's pronounced, made his presence in the city known and said he
wanted to
speak with us about the objects. He said he had heard of an
outbreak of a kind
of scarab similar to Moloch's bane scarabs that are psychic
parasites. He
claimed that he had come from a small village somewhat
northwest of Emjedah that
had been destroyed by an infestation of these scarabs, and he
wanted to see one
of the things that we had been finding to confirm his suspicions.
When one of
the eggs was produced he said that they were indeed a larval
form of these
scarabs, and that they should be destroyed at all costs. He
claimed they needed
to be destroyed by fire to be sure they were dead, though later
we found out
that the reason our efforts at destroying them initially only resulted
in the
object 'reappearing' somewhere nearby because the human mage
was
there and replacing them. He said that he was a fire mage and
had developed a
special method to destroy them, and asked us to gather near
Treehaven to
complete this task.
When we gathered, unbeknownst to us the human
had lured the wyverns, who were
in search of their eggs, to where our gathering was taking place.
They saw us
destroying their eggs and they saw what appeared to them as us
delivering a
hatching egg to the human so that he could place a small golden
collar around
his neck and bind it to himself as a familiar. They were
understandably furious
and we were "tricked. We did not set out to kill the wyvern or
even anger
them, we believed we were destroying the eggs of parasitic
insects. The human
was very charismatic, and even I, who thought they were wyvern
eggs in the first
place, found myself believing him. He had thought of every detail,
saying that
the larval form of scarab wanted to be with Secians because they
knew the
secians would make good hosts, and did not want to be in the
possession of a
dragon because they were simply unable to use dragons as a
host, our minds were
unsuitable. I guess why you haven't heard this whole story before
is
because it is embarrassing to admit that we were tricked by a
lowly human fire
mage, but this is what happened. We killed the wyvern who
came to the area later
because they were threatening the city of Treehaven, and it was a
problem we
created ourselves."
I had several questions for the dragon after he had
completed the story, which
follow:
It is understood that wyverns underwent some change in
their minds after
something you did to them in the forest, can you explain what
exactly happened?
"I can't explain the specifics, no. We were attempting to kill
them
with a form of magicks, but they were interfered with by the
Muatana-al named
Maloveous. He probably wanted more tiers or something. What
happened was, not
all the wyvern died and the ones that survived no longer shared in
the hive
mind, they can't remember anything from before this happened
because
they weren't individuals."
A number of citizens of Spur, especially go-blin-al it
seems, have become
sympathetic towards the wyverns. What're your thoughts on
that?
"I don't understand it really. It seems like the Spurians are
sympathetic towards them because now they're pathetic. They've
always been predators of mortals, eating guards off the walls and
such, and are
continuing to do so. It's just that now they say they're capable of
saying that they're 'confused'. It's incredibly foolish.
They're still just smarter-than-average animals, you don't see
people being sympathetic to things like wersids just because
they're
psionic."
Will dragons be honouring the request to leave the city
until all of this is
over?
"I don't speak for all of us but I predict most dragons'
answers would be "No." And quite honestly you don't really want
us
to, they'll just keep eating citizens forever."
At the end of the interview the dragon insisted he not be
named. He said he was
hopeful, though, that perhaps with this new information the
general populus of
Spur would think about what is going to come out before they
open their
mouth with regards to the business with the wyverns.
REPRINT
Power and Passion: The Turbulent Saians
By Scruple Tamarind
This is the fifth in a series of articles on the religions of
Aradath. I hope
to present each religion evenhandedly, focusing on the beliefs that
define it
and on its effects on the lives of its followers. I must state here
that I am
myself Saian and have done my best at objectivity, though I feel
deeply about
the subject matter. I invite any readers to rebut this or any of my
articles,
and hope anyone wishing to speak to me of their religion for
future articles
will contact me. S.T.
The Saian faith, like that of Elindale, is deceptively simple on
the surface.
What could be plainer than the worship of a single thing like
nature or
magick? It's not a philosophy or even an abstract concept like
knowledge,
ignorance, balance, or even kindness to your fellow sentients.
Below the surface, the Saian temple is a labyrinth of
opposing beliefs,
ambitions, hopes and fears. Like nature, magick is universal, its
effect
inescapable. You can embrace it, breathing it like air every day
as the mages
do, but
those who are not students of the runes find its effects touching
their lives
daily. Even those bereft of magick bear the indelible mark of its
absence like a
battle standard.
The structure of the Temple of Sa reveals the multifaceted
nature of the
faith. Three sects comprise the temple: the Orderly, the Entropic,
and the
Chaotic. An Advocate leads each sect, and a Regent leads all ...
or tries to. A
buzzword in the Saian temple for years has been "Unity." This is
more of a
wistful
dream than a reality, as the broad and far-reaching nature of
magick has
ensured that those of almost every race, temperment and
philosophy have gathered
beneath its banner. It is not always a harmonious family.
Advocate Kruses of the Entropic sect admits, "Diversity is a
double edged
sword at times of course ... but our diversity is a blessing."
Gossamer the
Drag-al mage told me, "I've always seen us as a three headed
dog ... as one head
does well for itself, the Temple as a whole benefits. But each of
the heads is
always barking at each other. But Sa help the one that tries to
take a bone away
from those three heads."
The greatest strain on the temple unity in recent memory was
the destruction
of Treehaven by the forces of Emjedah. Saians were on both
sides of the
battle. The thinly veiled antagonisms between the Emjedah-
based Chaotic sect
and
the Entropic and Orderly sects erupted into a dangerous rift.
Some rejoiced in
the display of magick that exposed the tree city to its ruin. Some
denounced
the act as heinous. The Saian temple of Treehaven seceded from
the Regency.
Though I've been reluctant to include politics in these religion
articles, this
schism illustrates all too well a central truth of the Saian faith: Sa
does not
dictate morality to His followers.
Kyrinne the Secian had been Regent for so long that few
Saians thought much
about the moral stance of the Temple. Chaotic Advocate Anvil
Bloodbaine's
elevation to Regent marked the beginning of a painful period of
self-examination
by
many Saians. It suddenly became obvious that the Saians'
capacity for
destruction and chaos was not an aberration. It was as legitimate
a part of the
temple's legacy as the long sunny afternoon of Kyrinne's regency
had been. It is
not an exaggeration to say many Saians were shaken to their
cores. Some did not
remain in the temple.
If Sa does not require any particular moral stance of His
followers, what
does He require? What does Sa expect of us? What does He
give in return? The
Frontacians I spoke with had a distinctly different relationship
with Sa than
most
of the other races. Kreston told me, "On the Isle it is the One
Religion...Frontacians should not follow lesser gods." He
continued, "For a
Frontacian
there is of course great respect toward Sa, who supplies all
runes, and therefor
the basis of our Power. But...there is an understanding...
Frontacians will
"follow" Sa, or more accurately enter into a spiritual alliance with
him, so
long
as the arrangement is beneficial to us." Other Frontacians I spoke
with
echoed this sentiment.
Sanene Advocate Renalk of the Chaotic sect has been
steeped in duty to Sa
since before his birth. He spoke of his own home. "These mage
orders thus
arrange
marriages, arrange breeding, with the only goal in mind being to
produce Magi
in the next generation. Thus was I born. Born to be a Mage, born
to follow
Sa."
Gossamer expressed another belief when he said, "Magick is
a destination. A
thing to be had and hoarded. But for me, and many others, it is
more of a
journey." For others, simple gratitude for the gift of Sa is enough
to enter His
service.
Weldoian told me, "I had been readin' a bit, and I had read
about the fact
that Secians were magickal. Sa be the God of Magick...Secians
are
magickal....I'm magickal...so, if I'm not following Sa, it'd almost
be like I
was denyin'
the very thing I be."
Power is an obvious reward of worshipping Sa. Magick is
Power, and the temple
has more than its share of those who enjoy power for its own
sake.
Paradoxically, one does not need to be Saian to take advantage
of His gifts,
just as one
does not need to be Elindalian to receive the bounties of nature.
"There you
touch on the uniqueness of his gifts," Kruses said. "It does not
take divine
intervention to utilize the blessings of Sa." Regent Anvil
Bloodbaine told me,
"Even the mages of Taath and Odarous do homage to our Lord."
Their deeds are,
he said, "The work of Saians who have yet to see their true
master, their true
benefactor." Gossamer claims to see a bit of the divine with every
spell, no
matter who wove the invocation.
Kreston told me, "Knowledge is power which Sa has in
abundance. Magick is
Power, of which Sa is the source. Conflict is Power, which the
nature of Sa
provides. Unity is Power, which Sa demands." Whether Saians
come for the power,
the conflict, the runes, or a hundred other reasons, they certainly
come in
large numbers. The temple is in flux, as it always has been and
probably always
will be, as myriad races and personalities each come and leave
their mark and
are marked themselves. Despite its 3 heads and dubious success
with unity,
the Temple has had a lasting impact throughout history and will
probably
continue to do so. Every age in the Othello Museum's Hall of
Ages has been an
Age of
Sa. It's an impressive track record.
Anvil says, "It is my belief that only through the worship of
Sa that this
world will survive and flourish, that all the lands of Aradath, and
beyond,
shall one day pay homage to Sa. That the empire of Sa will
stretch across this
continent and beyond and that through the teachings and
prosperity of this
empire, the lives of all will flourish. One world, one empire, one
god."
I am reminded of a spirited disagreement I had with the
Regent some months
ago. An oil painting of a thunderstorm above the altar flashed and
rumbled in
response to our rising voices. The temple shook from the sound.
I cowered from
what I assumed was a stern warning. When I looked up, Anvil
smiling broadly at
the painting, graciously accepting its endorsement of his vision.
I still don't know which of us was right.
Interview With Regent Noffbrau Part 1
Reported by Lewelin Mandid
Noffbrau says, "here we go, this as goos as place as any"
Lewelin nods.
Noffbrau asks, "care for a drink?"
Lewelin asks, "alright, this interview is for the Spurian Free
Press, you are aware of that correct?"
Lewelin says to Noffbrau, "I do like to keep some of my
wits about me"
Lewelin grins to Noffbrau.
Noffbrau says, "aye, ahm aware"
Lewelin nods.
Lewelin says, "I suggest we jump right into it."
Lewelin says, "ok, Please state your name for our readers"
Noffbrau says, "My name is Noffbra Trenkill"
Noffbrau says, "er"
Noffbrau says, "Noffbrau rather"
Lewelin grins.
Lewelin asks, "ok, Noffbrau. Where are you from?"
Noffbrau says, "not really sure, ahh was left behind
somewheres one day, and was picked up by some mages"
Noffbrau says, "they raised meh from just a little thing"
Lewelin asks, "some mages? Wow, I bet that was odd"
Lewelin asks, "What was it like at home? did they treat you
differently?"
Noffbrau says to Lewelin, "not when you take something in
from being so young, it tends to come naturak"
Noffbrau says, "er natural"
Noffbrau says, "no"
Lewelin nods.
Lewelin says, "ok, moving on"
Lewelin asks, "Who do you consider your role model?"
Noffbrau says, "to some, not to all, ahh try to set an
example"
Lewelin blinks.
Lewelin chuckles.
Lewelin asks Noffbrau, "no, who was YOUR role model?
who did you look up to as a...'youngin'?"
Noffbrau says, "oh"
Noffbrau laughs.
Noffbrau says, "sorry, misunderstood"
Lewelin says, "that's alright"
Lewelin smiles.
Noffbrau says, "well thats a good question"
Noffbrau says, "I looked up to more then one..."
Lewelin says, "well that's fine, you can list a few of them as
well. I'm just trying to establish the people you based your life
upon"
Noffbrau says, "Juster and Joruus for one, they were the
ones who brought meh up"
Noffbrau says, "and Osire, was a big roll model to"
Lewelin nods.
Lewelin says, "how..well I'll save that for later"
Lewelin asks, "So why did you become a member of Sa's
temple?"
Noffbrau says, "hence being raise by mages, that should be
easy"
Lewelin grins.
Lewelin says, "yes, but not everyone can figure it out. I
would just like to hear you state it"
Lewelin grins to Noffbrau.
Noffbrau says to Lewelin, "well being raised by mages, was
what came natural, seems that is where ahh belonged"
Lewelin nods.
Lewelin asks, "So how long have you wanted to become
Regent?"
Noffbrau says to Lewelin, "its not a matter of wanting to
become Regent, it was a mtter of doing the most I could for my
temple"
Lewelin asks, "so you never desired the position before, or
dreamed of it?"
Noffbrau says to Lewelin, "well ahh did desire it after a
vision, 'and there is a few other reasons behind it to"
Lewelin asks, "care to list those other reasons?"
Noffbrau says to Lewelin, "after two elven years with out a
Regent, ahh thought it was time someone steped up"
Lewelin nods.
Lewelin says, "alright"
Lewelin asks, "so exactly how did you become Regent?"
Noffbrau says, "and had young saians new to the spur ask
meh why ahh wasnt, kinda gave meh the ambision to do more
then what i was doing"
Noffbrau says to Lewelin, "ahh was voted Regent by our
congregation"
Lewelin nods.
Interview With Regent Noffbrau Part 2
Reported by Lewelin Mandid
Lewelin asks, "if memory serves me correctly, Anvil was the
last regent correct?"
Noffbrau sighs sadly.
Noffbrau says, "Sa Bless his soul"
Noffbrau says, "yes"
Lewelin asks, "Do you think you can 'fill his shoes' so to
speak?"
Noffbrau says to Lewelin, "not in a million years"
Lewelin grins to Noffbrau.
Lewelin says, "alright, I can see it best us move on"
Noffbrau says, "Anvil was great"
Lewelin asks, "how do you feel about leading those you
looked up to all of those years? Such as Osire, Juster, and the
rest..."
Noffbrau says, "well ahhd ont lead Osire"
Noffbrau says, "but the others suported meh"
Lewelin ponders the meaning of the universe for a moment.
Lewelin says, "ok.."
Noffbrau says, "they know my intentions are to nothing but
good for the temple"
Noffbrau's stomach growls.
Noffbrau says, "they are as loyal to meh, as ahh ahm to
them"
Lewelin nods.
Noffbrau says, "we are family"
Lewelin smiles.
Lewelin asks, "so what have you accomplished since you've
become Regent?"
Noffbrau says, "to be honest, not much of nothing, other then
helping Silkyn to be accepted by Sa"
Noffbrau says, "wich was quite a feet in my eyes"
Lewelin says, "perhaps you shouldn't speak of that, you
might cause you and his death"
Lewelin smiles.
Lewelin says, "moving along"
Lewelin asks, "What are your plans for the future?"
Noffbrau says to Lewelin, "I have a few plans.. first and
formost is to have a full house of active advocates "
Lewelin nods.
Noffbrau says, "ahh wanna have another Magick tourny"
Lewelin ponders.
Lewelin nods to Noffbrau.
Lewelin says, "that sounds fun"
Noffbrau says, "not a tourny but a festivak"
Lewelin asks Noffbrau, "anything a little more...lasting?"
Noffbrau says, "wich will have a tourny in it"
Noffbrau says, "ye"
Noffbrau says, "tryin to get a shop put in our temples"
Lewelin nods.
Noffbrau says, "also..."
Noffbrau says, "there is a group of spurians gonna try to
improve the poor quarter"
Lewelin nods.
Noffbrau says, "I wish to involve my temple in that, for a
few reasons"
Lewelin smiles.
Lewelin asks Noffbrau, "well, this interview is almost over.
Is there anything you would like to say to our readers before we
finish this up?"
Noffbrau ponders the meaning of the universe for a moment.
Noffbrau says, "yeah"
Lewelin asks, "and?"
Lewelin smiles.
Noffbrau says, "To all those who suported meh, my thanks,
and to those who didnt, please have patience, things will work
out"
Lewelin nods to Noffbrau.
Lewelin says to Noffbrau, "alright. On behalf of the Spurian
Free Press good luck and thank you for your time and honesty. "
Noffbrau says to Lewelin, "your interview hopfully dont get
twisted around lak Melraaths"
Lewelin says, "I'm sure it won't"
Lewelin smiles.
Noffbrau nods.
Editor's Note: Shortly after this interview, Noffbrau was
killed by our reporter. It was a tragic scene as Noffbrau was not
wearing armor at that time and probably did not heal himself.
Heard Around Town
by Miss Sapphire
This column is just the place to find interesting and funny
comments spoken by those who walk through the Spur
everyday. If you hear any funny comments, please send them to
my scribe SFPSapphire@hotmail.com, and thank you to all
those who donated quotes.
Solinus asks, "Is this some sort of gambling that I'm not
aware of?"
Kirril says to Solinus, "Toad fighting."
Kirril says, "Illegal in most cities."
- Solinus the Human and Kirril the San Elf
Skylith says, "why cant we see something more thrilling..like
toads mateing"
Cleric asks Skylith, "Like Leuians mating?"
- Skylith the Draco and Cleric the Leuian
Cleric asks, "Why are the Taathians after Melraath?"
Tir says to Cleric, "He stole tha holy Taathian panties"
Tir nods seriously.
Cleric says, "I didn't know there were holy Taathian
panties"
Tir says to Cleric, "Oh boy are there holy Taathian panties"
- Cleric the Leuian and Tir the Go-blin-al
Fawr says to Nydellia, "you make the baby rinannnianannia
cry"
- Fawr the Flerian and Nydellia the Hithual
Mao says to Cleric, "ah'z do dogz, daz it."
Cleric says to Mao, "Eww you shouldn't do dogs, that's
dirty dear"
- Mao the Go-blin-al and Cleric the Leuian
Kreston says to Stanrar, "I am familiar with many Human
sexual practices. The wordplay involving your wife on her knees
seems to have multiple meanins."
- Kreston the Frontacian and Stanrar the Human
Mao exclaims, "an DAT iz howz yuz sabe duh Spur!"
- Mao the Go-blin-al
Ward says to Teef, "that would be like a woman waking up
next to you in bed and realizing what they did"
Ace asks Teef, "For the record, how did Phannah react?"
- Ward the Leuian, Teef the Human, and Ace the San Elf
Slade says, "I know, this is how I lead you."
Slade says, "With my magickal fiddle playing."
- Slade the Psycian
Jade says, "Oh you said witch...I brought Phannah with me
cause I thought you said bi.."
- Jade the San Elf
Grunt says to Tir, "I's got screwt bah Condie's aunt."
Tir says to Grunt, "Ew"
- Grunt the Go-blin-al and Tir the Go-blin-al
Teef says to Slade, "I'm getting disperate, you'll do if you're
free tonight."
- Someone disguised as Teef as Human and Slade the
Psycian
Cleric says, "I didn't know Teef swung that way"
Jade says, "Teef usually swings solo."
Jewel says to Cleric, "Teef swings in all directions"
Teef says to Cleric, "any way I can get it works."
- Cleric the Leuian, Jade the San Elf, Jewel the Frontacian,
and someone disguised as Teef the Human
Shifty asks, "hard to hide here?"
Jade says, "Hide up Phannah's skirt."
Vitali says to Jade, "Too crowded up there too."
- Shifty the Flerian, Jade the San Elf, and Vitali the San Elf
The mounted city guard says, "We used to do a lot of
standing around, lately we do more telling people to halt, and
reminding them where they can do things."
The city guard mage says, "We look at pictures of criminals
a lot too and try and find them."
- A random mounted city guard and a random city guard
mage
Jezimai says in Sanene, "Or perhaps I should try ripping that
face off your skull to see if I -do- know."
Raesha says to Jezimai in Sanene, "Perhaps you are San.. I
did have to check..."
Raesha says to Jezimai in Sanene, "You dont show it well.."
- Jezimai the San Elf and Raesha the San Elf
Thurrg says, "hims run tuh sa tempil ahn hahd behind noff"
Jurax says to Thurrg, "well theres alot of arse there to hide
behind"
- Thurrg the Thugian and Jurax the Penthanian
Noffbrau says to Kraxtor, "ahh no wanna fight you ,but dont
group attack mah temple mates"
Juster asks Noffbrau, "aww, i'm jsut a temple mate now?"
Noffbrau says to Juster, "you know better then dat"
- Noffbrau the Hithual, Kraxtor the Arachnian, and Juster
the San Elf
Draffat shouts, "all hail the Fat! All hail the mighty Draf-fat!"
- Draffat the Drake
Cieran says to Glinka, "I gave up wearing wimmins clothing
in public"
- Cieran the Human and Glinka the Secian
Grimn exclaims to Callik, "eyz loowkit mah arze, Kallik!"
- Grimn the Go-blin-al and Callik the Fir Elf
Anyah says, "Flerians are cute, in their wild rainbow haired
ways"
- Anyah the Human
Vixen asks, "are wyvern in town square so common these
days that everyone just ignores them?"
- Vixen the San Elf
Dezzaray asks, "I'm so glad condie doesn't fly like that.
Could you imagine what would fall?"
- Dezzaray the Leuian
Svethia says, "if it were my dream and i was dreaming of
secians they'd be battling each other and when one of them fell
the others would drink their blood"
- Svethia the San Elf
The Punctuality of Spurian Officials and Merchants
Penned by: A Concerned Consumer
Spur is the central merchant city of the Aradath.
Roads lead from it to every other city on
the continent. However, Spur itself is in dire straights. The
population of the city has been falling
recently due to the growth of the surrounding cities such as
Emjedah, Treehaven, and even the
mountainous city of Rathan. The political scene of Spur has
been a mess for quite some time
while the current Governor Merlin sits in his mansion and is
simply never present and does not
listen to the people of the city. Instead, to enforce the laws he
relies on vigilante justice which
means that only the strong can survive in this brutal city.
However, in spite of all this, it is amusing
to note that the Merchants and Officials of Spur show as much
apathy as does the Governor
himself in their positions.
On the date of Tanei the 11th, the Barrister
Sidney was to hold office hours at 11:00 as
the elves count their time. As the bells sounded for the 11th
hour, the Barrister was no where to
be found. After about five minutes past the hour, and
announcement was sent out via a town crier
explaining that the Barrister would be 20 minutes late. At least
this day, there was a warning. This is not the first day that
Barrister Sidney did not arrive as scheduled either. In the past
few
months, it can be counted that not only will the Barrister be late,
but Sidney will show up at least
10 minutes past his appointed times. Lord Dasol of the
Sorcerer's Isle, Sirus Dasol became a bit
impatient with the "gentleman" Sidney and when he explained
that he had expected for the
Barrister to arrive on time, he was denied services for being
"rude." Others have had to withdraw
from the lines because the Barrister was too late and people did
not have time to wait on
him. Sidney's excuse? He proclaimed to those gathered that it
was due to the fact that the roads
were in poor shape and suggested that if people wished for him
to be on time that they should
pave the roads themselves! Is it not the Barrister's job to
oversee the roads?
Alas, Sidney is not the only Spurian who cannot
be counted on to be punctual. Merchants
such as Corlain and Broyce have been known to be late more
often than not to the displeasure of
their customers. However, it is ill advised that you bring these
issues to the merchants
themselves. You would not want to be seen as being "rude."
An Odarian Is
Anonymous
An Odarian is straight and true
With every breath, he has honor
Courtesy is his virtue
For rudeness, he does abhor
In battle, he is second to none
With his gleaming armor and sword
He fights enemies with passion
Odarous' satisfaction is his reward
Around the ladies, he is perfect
Kind words and a warm smile
A gentleman - that's the verdict
Just one look, you know he's worthwhile
All that he is; just a humble man
Seeking always the path of right
Justice he craves as he can
He glows from Odarous' light
Ask Danilova
Are you lost and confused? Unsure how to tell that "special
someone" that they're just not so special anymore? Not quite
sure which shoes to wear to keep that oh so right outfit from
becoming oh so very wrong? Well the Gods have surely smiled
upon you, my friend, because you've come to the right place!
Hello and well met readers! My name is Danilova Gerdt.
Maybe you've heard of me? I've traveled far and wide all over
the world helping those poor unfortunates in need with the
wonders of my advice column. As your good luck would have it,
folks, and due to some extreme misunderstandings with the
guards and law officials of the last town I was in, I've decided to
bring my column to the lucky folks of Aradath!
Today in my very first issue for the Spurian Free Press, I've
got some very interesting questions to answer. If you or a friend
have any questions that you've been worrying over, any problems
that you're confused about, or in fact, anything at all you'd like to
ask, send your questions to marenvonalte@hotmail.com, and she
will crack her Usilin whip at the delivery gnomes and they will
deliver them to me directly.
On with the first question!
I've dated sans, humans, and even one thugian, but to no
avail. There just
isn't any suitable men in spur anymore. What should I do?
-Lonely In Spur
Lonely in Spur-
Well honey, let me tell you that you're preaching to the choir
here. What you need to do is stop making yourself look like the
two silver street harlot down the way that any Joe Bob Thugian
could pick up on his way to the Tavern. Slow down and take
some time for yourself, first. Maybe you're not meeting the right
kind of men. Instead of saying "Yes" the next time a man in a
dark alley three blocks away from the AGC asks you for a date,
take a trip by the museum and see if you can find a nicer, cleaner
type of man. Remember, you're unique, just like everybody else.
Our next reader writes:
I'm a glowhead who can't shut up. I'm also poor. Can
you tell me what's
wrong with me?
-Mister Glow on Air
Mister Glow on Air-
Yes indeed, sir, I can. You spend more time flapping your
yap, than you do shaking your money maker. Zip your lip, get
off your lazy bum, go seek out an evil beastie that you can kill
and do that little glow zappy thing you Psycians do. Ladies don't
like a man who is more useless than a one armed trapeze artist
with an itchy arse. Learn to be a good listener instead of
monopolizing every conversation and get out there and make
some coin. Those around you will thank you for it.
And our last question of this issue is:
I've been working the biz for five years now but I want
more in life. Hunting was never my thing and working the streets
is getting dangerous. Can
you help me?
-Little Miss Liisa
Little Miss Liisa
Bravo on your dedication to your profession these past five
years. Seeing as how you've stroked more wood than a
furniture polisher, perhaps you should take up whittling or
perhaps carpentry is more to your liking. I'm sure someone with
your experience can open many a door of career opportunities.
If all else fails, I'm sure there are many taverns that could use a
good bar wench.
That's the end of this issue, readers! Remember! Danilova Gerdt is here to help! Send all your questions, concerns, problems or issues to my editor arenvonalte@hotmail.com . And I will leave you little loveys with one last advice: The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.
Staff
Co-editors: Maren Vonalte, Lii Dvo
Reporters: Lewelin Mandid, Scruple Tamarind,
Ellery Talbot
Columnists: Danilova Gerdt, Miss Sapphire
Contributing writers: Concerned Consumer
Send all SFP submissions, questions, or comments to marenvonalte@hotmail.com
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