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The Spurian Slanderer

he Spurian Slanderer Volume 1 Issue 4
“Fair and Balanced”
Alarian Publishing

Weeeeee’re baaaack. Angry meanyheads have tried to hang us, censor us, and our publishers have threatened to castrate us, but your entertainment is more important to us than life itself. Most of the talk lately in Spur has focused on the falling stars, but our demonic masters have ordered we focus on what really matters, Phannah’s insatiable appetite!

The staff apologizes for the delay in publishing this issue. To make up for it, we have included two naked celeb pictures this issue. We hope to get back to our regular publishing schedule. If you want to help us with this goal and make some coin, write us with news of all sorts.

We’ve added more art to this issue and will continue to do so. Also, our editor has contributed a poem and we will now take poems as contributions. If we use your poem you will be paid 150 gold. This paper is an ever evolving creature.

The Spurian Slanderer is a newspaper that seeks to inform and entertain, but with out pulling the punches. If you wish to send us news or letters to the editor or publisher, point our reporters in a story’s direction, or join our staff, then contact our Brave and Fearless Leader Melraath, or write us at SpurianSlanderer@hotmail.com.

We are looking for writers, reporters, and support people. To protect our staff reporters and writers are allowed to use code names. We must know your name, but we will protect it to the death. Be sure to thank our Brave and Fearless Leader for shielding us all from sword blades at risk to him self. We pay gold for information, if it is of use to us and it passes our fact-checkers’ scrutiny. Writers are also paid, a flat rate plus bonuses.


  • Melraath Silentpaw - Editor. Brave and Fearless Leader. Prince of Thieves.
  • Angel Maybelle – Writer, Reporter, Director of Innocence.
  • Ace Wildcard AKA Changeman Shadowlurk - Writer, Reporter. Staff Director of Morality and Ethics.
  • The Baroness of Beef - Reporter, Coordinator
  • Sarsh - Guardian of the Top Sixes
  • Mr. X - Publisher’s Liason

    Table of Contents

  • Eagles Plucked Part 1
  • Eagles Plucked Part 2
  • Eagles Plucked Part 3
  • Cordelia Rescued
  • Humans In Heat 2-Dhameon Dissed
  • Interview With Callik
  • Racial Rumbles
  • Historical Pictures
  • Memorial Held for Saian Regent
  • Cakes Abdcuted
  • Stanrar Pregnancy Shocker
  • Insanite Weds Murderer
  • Interview with Grunt
  • Deadly Diets
  • Ferocious Firs
  • Top Sixes
  • Changeman’s Vault
  • Rings Found
  • Return of Aiena?
  • Children of the Night, a poem by Melraath Silentpaw
  • Naked Celebrity Pictures

    Eagles Plucked

    Although they are trying to put a positive spin on it, the Odarians received a crushing defeat in the inter-temple war. Time and time again, Taathian death squads slaughtered Odarians. The only real Odarian resistance came from the Odarian Monitanian Aurak, who won some duels against the Taathians. It seems that the Odarian temple, once known for it’s battle skill and organization, were unorganized and scattered, easy prey for the followers the Vulture. Below is a dialogue of the Odarians discussing how to withdraw from the conflict with out embarrassing themselves.

    Rev: "First for myself I want to say to all of ye I am proud of what I have heard and seen of how ye have handled yourselves as we have dealt with the Taathian matter ..In battle and in ye actions. "

    Rev: "From what I have seen Honor has stayed its course with in our ranks even within such tryin times."

    Solinus: "Hear hear."

    Rev: "As some of you may know it appears the High Priest of Taath seems to have called off his wish for all out war with us ..."

    Rev: "His claims seemed a bit scewed on how battles went but I did find it interesrtin he has made such a statement ...I ask ye now what do you wish of this temple concernin the matter ?"

    Solinus: "I say let it fall. They have tired themselves out, grown weary of the battle. It was they who started it, and continued with it."

    Haberthan: "If they wish to see it that way let em have there false interpretations."

    Nicki: "And only a few who participated."

    Reyilion: "Some saw the dishonour continuing to attack unfairly caused."

    Nicki: "I guess since they could not defeat the young spirit it was time to quite."

    Haberthan: "Even one of them came to me in pease and said how rediculous the whole thing was."

    Solinus: "They can never defeat us. Only kill us."

    Reyilion: "I myself was only attacked when there were at least five on one, or a fire mage."

    Nicki: "It is no fun killing us wehen we refuse to run."

    Nicki: "I think they are bored with it and it was only a half hearted attempt."

    Reyilion: "In my eyes it wasn't a real battle until Aurak asked for opponents, not people attacking like serpents."

    Solinus: "All of which, he defeated."

    Reyilion: "From most of what I heard, they rarely attacked when they knew they'd lose."

    Solinus: "Indeed."

    Nicki: "Yeah I dead at least 4 times."

    Kandil: "Aye they fought like serpants."

    Reyilion: "That's why Jurax quit attacking me, he knew he couldn't kill me alone."

    Haberthan: "Me was 5 I think."

    Mel: (To Reyilion) "I have said before. You take a lot of killin."

    Reyilion: "He's got awful spells."

    Nicki: "Cause he's crusty?"

    Reyilion: "I was smelling of burnt fur for a week."

    Kandil: "Burnt crust I guess."

    Reyilion: "I resent that, just cause I play with undead all day."

    Rev: "Any others wish to speak on the matter ? I am curious is any of ye feel a need for retubution? has the debts any been paid ?"

    Reyilion: "They skirmished a lot, attacks from the sides and from shadows. That's not battle."

    Haberthan: "What do you think?"

    Kandil: "I am torn. I know of very young brothers that were killed reapetedly." Solinus: "They are honorless dogs. We should treat them as such. They do not even deserve our further attention."

    Mel: "Agreed."

    Silvermane: "I would ask if we are ready to accept their further falsehoods to come."

    Reyilion: "I'm for letting it go, as I have the same concerns as Kandil. Many young were attacked."

    Nicki: "Such as?"

    Reyilion: "Though I think I complained about it more than they did."

    Mel: "There is no disgrace in losing to a far stronger foe."

    Haberthan: "First warder do you think the debt has been paid?"

    Rev: "Sometimes as with wars you do not get to set the lines which both sides will fight by ... I am pleased with what I saw from this temple ... the skimishes they won were nearly always ones they knew going in they would have the upper hand in one or more. I am not at all concerned what Taathian high priests wish to present as thier truth ... we all know what that one sees is rarely anywhere near the truth.”

    Nicki: "They have already said they won the war by beating us and no one responeed to his words. And that the young when killed cryied for mercy. we know this is all false.”

    Rev: "I am willing to ask us to stand down but I am but one in the temple and wished to make sure if younger folks or folks who may have died more wished to continue I would be understandin at this time to stay the course."

    Haberthan: "I think my favorite part was when I had Jurax running after that he never atacked me again."

    Nicki: "How do we make it to be true for us? if you say fight i will contiune to fight."

    Reyilion: "There will be other confrontations even if we agree to stand down."

    Nicki: "I will not pick a fight but I will defend myself. And continue to die with honor. Seeing that I am good at that."

    Reyilion: "And like I was told the other day in TSC while healing a member of our temple, that I brought my death on myself for doing so.”

    Rev: "One of the biggest results is this temple started to awake after all too long a slumber ... I intend to not let the sleep of inactivity creep in again."

    Haberthan: "First Warder it seems we all agree we should stand down sir.....and Like you said this temple has awoken and I believe will continue to rise from its slumber."

    Rev: "Did ye have a comment Warrior?"

    *Rev smiled at Silvermane*

    Silvermane: "I merely meant to suggest that..."

    Some Odarian: "I beg your pardon sir, but I must leave."

    Silvermane: "All should be prepared for many verbal and written assaults. I assume that you wish us not to react to such..."

    Rev: "I rarely do."

    Silvermane: "Athough I have known those who bear the Mark who would consider retaliation a... defense."

    Solinus: "If it be in honorable duels..."

    Tiruna: (Shouting from another room) "Odarous is as dishonorable a scum as my khat'sara! Odarous should be purged from the lands as should my khat'sara, whom I must leave for the most honorable hithual, Noffbrau!"

    *Tiruna entered, spit on the altar, and left*

    Solinus: "I doubt that was who it seemed to be."

    Nicki: "Tiruna is going to be mad that someon eis mimic her."

    Rev: "I will assume that was a serpent. "

    Mel: "Not unless she shrunk a little."

    Nicki: "It was not tiruana."

    Reyilion: "Been happening most of this night or so."

    Kandil: "Aye tis the little flerian Audun clawed earlier would be me guess."

    Rev: "Ye have a name?"

    Mel: "Gruddy."

    Solinus: "People've been paying a flerian to dress as people."

    Mel: "I think that is what it is called."

    Reyilion: "Ah that one."

    Solinus: "Harmless. They're just looking to start trouble. Don't think the Flerian knows what he's doing, actually."

    Haberthan: "We will have to tell her bout that one. "

    Rev: "Hear me on this ..this person is to be shunned ..that is Not harmless when they come to Odarous altar and spit on it. He knows what he does."

    Solinus: "Well, I agree NOW. Before he was harmless."

    Kandil: "Agreed!"

    Gallaior: "As you wish First Warder. Are we sure it was the flerian? Gruddy?"

    Kandil: "Nae, i only guessed from his words."

    Haberthan: "I would bet my best sword on it. "

    Rev: "Ok where were we..."

    Gallaior: "I don't know many flerians."

    Reyilion: "Silvermane was speaking on possible actions dealing with verbal and written assaults."

    Gallaior: "The garbage that will surely come out of the mouths of taathians."

    Rev: "Ok yes if I tell the temple to stand down on Taathian issue if I hear of folks going around pickin fights in retealiation of past matters I will see it as wrong and not what we do .. to defend yoursefl from a present attack is more then right. But those of Honor set aside a battle when it is done and move on ..which is why I asked ye all for your thoughts.”

    Nicki: "How do you think we should respond to verbal and written assaults."

    Mel: "Why respond at all thier words are meaningless."

    Silvermane: "You know how, young one."

    Rev: "I would ignore most but deal with em using ye witts or silence but not violence."

    Nicki: "I just ignoer them. But wanted to make sure it was the right thought."

    Silvermane: "Thank you, First Warder."

    Rev: "Good point to have brought up. Ok I will post that we will stand down tonight after the meetin.”

    Kandil: "I would be careful in the wording of that order as we can nae appear weak to them. Maybe something like they lost their will so we wont pursue it."

    Eagles Plucked Part 2

    Just to be fair, we listened in on a couple Taathians as well during the war. Here is a conversation between Lii and Vincentiv:

    Vincentiv: “I cannot do that. I cannot live that way. I have agreed to attend the Meeting, once, and then make my way from there. “Is that not what you had asked?”

    Lii: "You have no soul, you are neither good nor evil. You must learn this, and from there you must overcome the base expressions of emotion which manifest themselves in your admittance of hatred towards them. It is what I asked, but your heart is not in the agreement. You are only agreeing to appease me. I want you to acknowledge to me that you understand and agree with what I'm saying."

    Vincentiv: “Hatred is a poison that no words or reason can cure. Can't you, of all people, see that? If someone had attempted to cease your movements in an act of pure hatred, would you of agreed?”

    Lii: "I'm not sure I understand the question."

    Vincentiv: “I've seen you against previous enemies.. I think you have acted no differently. If you confronted an enemy which you hated with your very existence, would you let anything stand between you and that individual's destruction?”

    Lii: "That is different."

    Vincentiv: “How?”

    Lii: "At the time, there was not a matter at hand as pressing as there is in our current situation. Had the very infrastructure of the temple been threatened, I would have put aside my personal feud and rushed to defend the temple. You cannot compare the two...I was young, I had something to prove."

    Vincentiv: “If I am convinced during this meeting that this is truly Taath's will and not Treyfalgar's quarrel with Rev.. then I shall lend my blade for a time. Once the matter is settled, I shall withdraw and attend to my task.”

    Lii: "That is all I ask. And this is by no means a personal feud between the two High Priests.”

    Vincentiv: “I saw the way Treyfalgar looked at Rev when he had Sindelle killed. Somehow, I don't believe he was so enraged by the grace of Taath."

    Lii: "Its a start."

    Vincentiv: "But that is irrelevant. You wanted my opinion eariler.. My only question was. If we are to be the bringers of peace in this situation, then who has truly dishonored their Lord's doctrine? Look...we need to look past that."

    Lii: "We no longer live in the time where the Dark Lord's word is preached far and wide. We have been reduced to mere missionaries, living in a city which doesn't seem like home no matter how long you've been here."

    Vincentiv: "We could've changed that. We still have the power to, perhaps. But we remain here."

    Lii: "The Lord's doctrine was not written by Taath himself, but rather interpreted by mortals based on their interpretation of Taathian faith. You mean move to Emjedah?"

    Vincentiv: "Emjedah is the same. I had once hoped that we could of one day created a place of our own. But that was merely a hope. Weak, and false."

    Lii: "It was. We need to change the doctrine of Taath if we are to survive in this new world. We must learn to get along peacefully with these people if we are to continue to live here. Not change it...merely, interpret it differently.”

    Vincentiv: "It will never be as powerful if you begin to preach peace along side of chaos, agony, fear, and ignorance."

    Lii: "I am by no means preaching peace. That is a misinterpretation. I simply wish to end a feud that has escalated beyond logical bounds. There is nothing more either side can hope to gain."

    Vincentiv: "I had thought you would of remembered the Saian War."

    Lii: "That wasn't a real war though."

    Vincentiv: "It was more so than this."

    Lii: "So? What about the Saian War? What does that have to do with this.”

    Vincentiv: "We had killings in the streets. Torturing the Regent in our Church. Sacrificing Saians.. These are skirmishes. Why has this matter been so desperate when that had not been? Do you fear that our limited ranks may begin to thin out with the constant death of the lesser skilled?"

    Lii: "Things are different now. The Odarians are different from the Saians. They are a battle driven people, as are we. I have supreme confidence in both our warriors and mages."

    Vencentiv: "We have gained many victories, that is true. But with each 'battle' we've won, most of our young Temple Members have died. The major battle here with Rev that was reported in the News Paper. All of the younger members were slaughtered."

    Lii: "That is of little difference. The pawns are sacrificed, in order for the royalty to be destroyed. Younger members of which temple?"

    Vencentiv: "Now you see the way I saw it. But what happened to you catering to the needs of the young?"

    Lii: "I cater to their needs. They will learn valuable battle experience. The young are always weak at first. You said yourself, you don't want to protect them, but rather teach them the hard way."

    Vencentiv: "I had thought you said that was the incorrect way of going about it."

    Lii: "Well, if they have to sacrifice their lives in order for us to inflict extreme losses on the enemy, then so be it. You misunderstood me. I said they needed to be guided, not coddled. You imply that you would sooner leave them to figure things out on their own."

    Vencentiv: "I doubt these events shall extend much longer, unless the Odarian's stuborness, which you've underestimated severely, holds out. Which it indeed may.”

    Lii: "I have no intention of prolonging this war any longer than necessary. Which is why I was asking your opinion about it. I know you don't particularly see it as something important. But still, that does not excuse you from giving your input on a vital temple matter. You are a cleric, after all. I think you will also find that your Hatred is not directed at the Green-eyed, but rather more inward, towards yourself."

    Vencentiv: "I shall assist if required, and if the causes are pure within their intent. However, my mind is on a different matter, as it shall be."

    Lii: "So you'll come to the next meeting?"

    Vencentiv: "Indeed. Very observant. But perhaps I seek my own destruction as well, within such a task."

    Lii: "I think once you realize the potential for success you have, you will find a renewed interest in life."

    Vencentiv: "Perhaps, but on the other hand, I don't think I am going to die. Just to see if I have truly been alive."

    Eagles Plucked Part 3

    Below is an account of one of the war’s battles:

    It was a typical day in Spur’s TSC, with Drag-als and Secians discussing the upcoming booze cruise. When a few words from Lii the Taathian Human touched off mayhem and murder.

    Lii: “What's the delay? How come you haven't killed them?"

    Treyfalgar: "Is that sarcasm I sense?"

    *Lii pointed at Treyfalgar in an excited manner*

    Lii: “Aha!”

    Treyfalgar: "I know when I am outnumbered and I know I cannot count on you to have my back so why run in to my death."

    Lii: "What? You don't think I'll back you up?"

    Sindelle: (To Lii) "Why don't you just speak to him in Sanene, precious?"

    Lii: "I was just questioning you.

    Lii: (speaking in Sanene) “Fine.”

    Treyfalgar: "You have not been yourself, its not just your last message."

    Lii: "You want to declare war on everybody."

    Treyfalgar: "You’re not the Lii I once knew. Let’s see what happens."

    Treyfalgar left a while to talk with Rone, before returning. While he was gone, Lii began questioning the Odarian Lucas about the Hithual hammer. Lucas refused to speak of it. Treyfalgar and Rone returned.

    Lii: "LookIf you tell me what this is all about, I'll be able to clear – Hold on.”

    Solinus: "We wish it to use against the green eyed demons. To defeat them."

    Lii: (to Treyfalgar) "Done?"

    Lii: "You ready to tell me what this is all about?"

    Lucas: "I reckon there's about to be trouble."

    Solinus: "That would not surprise me."


    Treyfalgar: "The Odarians have destroyed an ancient Taathian artifact and hold another of great power. Attempts at diplomatic resolve failed."

    Lii: "What about the hammer?"

    Treyfalgar: "What about it?"

    Lii: "What is so important about it that it is worth starting a war?"

    Sindelle: "What IS important enough to you to start a war these days, if not the spiteful destruction an ancient artifact that rightfully belongs in our temple?"

    Lii: "I still do not understand how this helm was taken."

    Lucas: "The numbers are stacked heavily against us now."

    Solinus: "That they are."

    Lucas: "If it does come to a battle, I think we should charge the leader."

    Treyfalgar: "The helm was taken so i'm told by a Flerian and given to the Odarians who then destroyed it."

    Solinus: "It may not come to that."

    Treyfalgar: "I thought I read somewhere you spoke with Vorn? Did he not tell you this?"

    Lii: " He said that, yes. Hold on a second. Don't say anything for a minute."

    Lii: "Lucas, may I have your attention for a second."

    Lucas: "You've got it."

    Lii: "You see, my friend Treyfalgar here really seems to think that helm was connected with our temple. And he's awful angry that you went and smashed it. Now…”

    Lucas: "Yes, sir. It was, and he is."

    Lii: "What do you mean, it was?"

    Lucas: "From what I've been told, it was a Taathian relic. Someone hid it in a secret room in the Oasis. Not in a temple."

    Solinus: "Vorn told us it was an artifact that belonged to your temple. But long after the fact. We had no idea, when we destroyed it."

    Lucas: "Even if I had known it to be a Taathian relic though, I still would have destroyed it."

    Lii: "Is that right. What was so bad about it?"

    Lucas: "Yes, sir."

    Soyam: (to Lucas) "While there is something admirable in always telling the truth. You can stop speaking, keep some truths to yourself. It ... Can avoid illegal bloodshed."

    Treyfalgar: "Just for future reference I prefer associate. Friends only get in the way."

    Lucas: "It was a helm of great evil, surrounded by black magicks. It took control of the wearer's mind and cause great confusion, makin' them do funny things. If I had known such a man as Sir Vorn was lookin' for it, I probably would have returned it to him. But to them. Never.”

    *Lucas gestured at Treyfalgar*

    Sindelle: "And not yours to destroy."

    Lii: "Right."

    Panick: "If ye'd learn to take care o'your relics, those things wouldn't happen!"

    Sindelle: "Or do anything else with, because it did not belong to you."

    Lii: "Well how do you plan to make it up to temple Taath?"

    Soyam: "Just because someone has a Ser to them does not make them truly a good man. Best to remember that in the future."

    Lii: "You did destroy one of our holy possessions. I mean, we can't just let you walk away. Oh no sir."

    Lucas: "I've met Sir Vorn. He's a good man, not like them."

    Panick: (to Lucas) "They lost it. Now they blame ye."

    Sindelle: "In blood. How else would they make it up?"

    Panick: "Try going after whoe'er it was who lost the blasted thing, why don't ye?"

    Nahjan: "When was this helm destroyed?"

    Rone: (to Panick) "Perhaps I should go take every item from your bank box then?"

    Soyam: (smiling at Lucas) "People wear masks. It is nice to see true innocence, though. It's a pity what will happen."

    Solinus: "A few weeks ago."

    Rone: (to Panick) "After all, it's not in your immediate possesion, it must be lost."

    Panick: "That makes so little sense I didn't hear it."

    Lii: "Try and pay attention for a second. You have a chance to save a lot of lives."

    Lucas: "I made my choice, knowin' there would be consequences. If your leader is so cross, I welcome him to challenge me."

    Lii: "That's not how it works kiddo."

    Soyam: "True innocence."

    Panick: "Nothing in me bank box is going to take o'er anyone's mind, except maybe a cask o'fine ale."

    Lii: "Its okay...you just need your baptism." Panick: "If ye want that, go right ahead."

    Lii: "Well, I'm ready to kill every one of them. The rest of you?”

    Rone: "If you don't want your thoughts tampered with, then do not put the helm on. It is simple as that."

    Sindelle: "So much for saving lives, precious."

    Panick: "Aye. Sounds simple."

    *Taathians began battle preperation prayers*

    Lii: "One last thing. "Well, nevermind."

    Lii jump-kicked Lucas in the ribs, while Treyfalgar jump-kicked Haberthan, beginning the fight. The Odarians fought the Taathians to a standstill for a bit with the aid of Methoss and Panick, but the Odarian Solinus was the first to die, passing out from wounds inflicted by Lii. Next, Haberthan finally gave in to the intense punishment heaped upon him by Treyfalgar, dying after Treyfalgar’s deadly feet shattered his arm.

    Lucas kept demanding Treyfalgar fight him, and finally he did. Eventually, Lucas was beaten to death by Treyfalgar, with a couple hits from [b thrown in. The last Odarian there was a young Odarian named Nahjan, who was offered the choice of running or dying. Nahjan refused to run, but was dragged away by Panick.

    Cordelia Rescued

    The merchant Cordelia, who was kidnapped a while back, was rescued by Tir the Go-blin-al , Ward the Leuian, and a band of fellow Setites. A strange yellow-eyed Flerian promised to help whoever brought the most of a strange list of items. Ironically, in a city full of hundreds of self-proclaimed heroes, Tir was the only person to show up and purchase the Flerian’s help. Since being freed, Cordelia has kept a low profile, in fear of being taken again. It is still unknown who was behind the kidnapping.

    Humans In Heat 2 - Dhameon Dissed

    Phannah the Human (see Humans in Heat, Vol. 1, Issue 2), wife of Dhameon, was caught making out with Gallior the Human in Spur park a couple months ago by the stealthy Grimn. When accused of it in TSC by Grimn, eyewitnesses say Phannah did a very poor job of denying it, looking guilty as sin.

    That wasn’t enough for the insatiable Phannah, so she hooked up with the lusty rogue Teef. The cuckholded Dhameon has had enough and the marriage is on the rocks, leaving Phannah open for business. Rumor has it that the betrayed Dhameon trashed Phannah’s expensive home!

    In stepped Phannah’s former husband, the irascible Fir Callik Alittlewiser aka “Cowlick”. He returned from away and immediately stepped forward to claim his woman. He demanded Dhameon move out of Phannah’s home. Phannah gave Callik a key to the home and Callik took Dhameon’s clothes to TSC, giving them away to those present.

    Meanwhile, Phannah has let it be known that Dhameon has a slight chance to win her back if he tries hard enough. Also, Teef is lurking in the shadows, waiting for an opportunity, any opportunity. Will Phannah be able to choose? Will she form a harem? The staff looks forward to Phannah’s further adventures.

    Interview With Callik

    Knowing that he may be met by crossbow bolts, our Sanene Director of Morality and Ethics, Ace Wildcard, tracked down the famous Fir Elf Callik Alittlewiser, intent on learning about the man able to finally get a reign on the wild Phannah. Here is the result.

    Callik: "Begin, by all means."

    Ace: "Now, right to the important stuff."

    Callik: "Did we start?"

    Ace: "How did you steal Phannah from Dhameon?"

    Callik: "I stole nothing."

    *Callik frowned*

    Ace: "Dhameon claims different."

    Callik: "just as wily an old coot as ever. here are the facts, with a bit of embellishment for flavor."

    *Ace leaned forward, listening intently*

    Callik: "Oh, noticed, how I didn't shoot you once? I am trying to be diplomatic! Gives me the trots."

    Callik: "Fact one. I am the lawful husband of one Phannah Alittlewiser, Under Unknown, Elindale, and the Civil law of Spur and Treehaven until death, divorce or anullment."

    Callik: "Therefore!"

    Callik: "The silly cleric Cieran, and the faithless Dhameon could not marry one Phannah Alittlewiser to one Dhaemon Somethingsomething since, clearly, I am nor never was dead divorced or anulled from my only love and betrothed."

    *Callik smiled, growing more animated*

    Ace: "Did Phannah think you dead? Why did she do this?"

    Callik: "Hence! I could not steal what already was and forever will be in my possession, you witless San elf."

    Callik: "Hmmm, possession has a nasty tone to it. But, that seems to be the language of Spurian weddings."

    Ace: "Why did Phannah hook up with Dhameon? As you've probaly read, she was even making out as the world nearly ended with him."

    Callik: "She is my heart, and Elindale herself is hard put to match her bravery and beauty, by the gods. Humans think that just because you stroll off into the woods for a measly 2 or so years, you're dead."

    Ace: "Ah, so it's a cultural thing due to different perceptions of time."

    Ace: "But, could it also be that...."

    Callik: "But, I should have been more careful to account for my wife's thoughts on this matter, I have shamed her in this regard."

    Ace: "She is...easy?"

    Callik: "Easy what?"

    Ace: "It's a Spurian term."

    *Callik squinted at Ace*

    Callik: "Explain."

    Ace: "Humans use it. It means....hooking up with lots of men."

    Callik: "I can't blame her! In her grief, even humans look comforting through tears. I mean, have ya looked at this human?"

    Ace: "Yes...yes I have. I needed to do a study of her for this issue."

    Callik: "Males, I mean, all squat and wobbly."

    Ace: "Do you know about the others?"

    Callik: "They can barely stand erect!"

    Callik: "I have heard rumors."

    Ace: "Oh, I think standing erect is hardly the problem."

    *Ace smiled thinly*

    Callik: "Explain you nincompoop."

    Ace: "There are reports of her having a fling with the rogue Teef. Gallior the Human Odarian as well."

    Callik: "Ah, she was used to high adventure and many hard fights. The comparatively tame atmosphere of Spur caused boredom."

    Ace: "So, if you go on vacation again will this go on again?"

    Callik: "I mean, Sa's rotted teeth, seen from her eyes, I musta fell off the face of the earth."

    Callik: "I will not leave without telling her my plans, next time, I assure you."

    Ace: "Will this go on again with you here?"

    *Callik snorted*

    Callik: "I think , the rumor sniggerers of Spur never stop whispering Sanene."

    Ace: "Well we are a fair and balanced newspaper, which is why we wanted to clear this up with you."

    Callik: "Have you listened to this interview? You are feeding its maw and you make gold, and ork teat lappers of Spur drink it up."

    *Callik shrugged*

    Callik: "I doubt this clears anything up."

    Ace: "I'm quite wealthy. I do not write for gold, but to entertain the people. Now, is it true Dhameon trashed Phannah's house?"

    Callik: "Well, I'm certainly entertained by your civic mindeness, and your gallant selflessness."

    Ace: "Thank you."

    *Ace bowed*

    *Callik chuckled*

    Callik: "We shall see what hits the edito's floor, sanene, then we will speak again."

    Ace: "Is it true Dhameon trashed Phannah's house?"

    Callik: "I have some information that after I sold Dhameon's clothes to acquire the poor body of a leuian for proper burial, he threw out all of Phannah's clothing, and had the locks changed. that dhaemon can be petty."

    Ace: "Have you ran into him since?"

    Callik: "Sure"

    Ace: "Any battles?"

    *Callik blinked* Callik: "Hmmmm, no need. My wife is at my side. For what remains to battle?"

    *Ace shrugged*

    Ace: "I'm suprised he hasn't attacked you. He attacks our editor at the drop of a hat."

    Callik: "Do you think he might?"

    Ace: "He's pretty violent."

    Callik: "I've heard. As a mild beekeeper, I must be more careful."

    Callik: "Would you prefer I brag and shout about my shooting prowess? Hunting?"

    Ace: "Respond as you like. We want to capture the real you for our readers."

    Callik: "My thanks, you are very gracious."

    *Ace bowed gravely*

    Callik: "Real me? Ah, I am told I am crazy, but I think this is mistaken."

    Ace: "So...is it true that Phannah's appetites are legendary? Are you able to satisfy her?"

    Callik: "Oh, not finished with the tawdry yet?"

    Ace: "Are we ever?"

    Callik: "Satisfy what?" Her curiosity is assuaged."

    Ace: "Her...needs."

    Callik: "Her.....ahem....needs?"

    Ace: "Yes."

    Callik(yelling): "What needs?!?! you pimple scraping snot guzzler?!?!"

    Ace: "Her womanly needs."

    Callik: "Ah."

    Callik: "Hmmm, I might be scolded if I answer that one."

    Ace: "When did that ever stop you?"

    Callik: "Good point. I am ever a willing and able, wyvern rider. I am an elf."

    *Callik snorted haughtily*

    Ace: "Does Phannah have any...alternative preferences?"

    Callik: "To what? Alternative to what?"

    Ace: "Well...some Taathians whip each other. Anything kinky like that?"

    Callik: "Let me think......"

    Callik: "She likes to have honey poured.....then..."

    Callik: "hang on..."

    *Ace nodded and scribbled frantically*

    Callik: "Nope, can't tell that one."

    *Callik frowned impatiently*

    Ace: "Which one can you tell?"

    Callik: "I'm sifting through....." Callik: "She is quite athletic and imaginative"

    *A Sanene stumbled in on us, so we moved to another location*

    Ace: "So you were saying...she is athletic and imaginative."

    Callik: "I am saying that, yes."

    Ace: "Any other preferences she has, besides the honey?"

    Callik: "Sure."

    Callik: "Consider the paltry imaginations of your readers, sift through their imaginations. Hers is a sun to their candle."

    *Callik smiles at Ace hugely*

    *Ace raised an eyebrow and leaned forward, his pointed ears quivering*

    Callik: "Try and wrap your brain around it, Changeman, I know you can do it."

    Ace: "The name is Ace. Ace Wildcard."

    Callik: "Sorry, having a flashback, Ace."

    Ace: "Do you ever bring in other people? Maybe invite Teef over to the mansion?"

    *Callik frowned at Ace*

    Callik: "It's those kind of reckless remarks that get a fellah shot, Sanene."

    Ace: "I apologize. It is not my nature to ask such shameless questions. I must do my duty to my readers."

    Ace: "Speaking of mansions, how is it living the luxurious life of a noble?"

    Callik: "I wouldn't know, I don't live there."

    Ace: "Wait, she's in her large estate all alone?"

    Callik: "I visit once in a great while and sit in the orchard. No, she's on a bit of a sabbatical, when she returns on visits we spend time together."

    Ace: "What does this make you think of?"

    *Ace took a charred smiling Ralin action figure from his pack and held it up*

    *Callik stared*

    Callik: "Is that some sort of joke, Sanene? I ain't laughing."

    Ace: "No it's a lead in to a new line of questioning."

    Callik: "I'm gonna lead a bolt right between your eyes in a second."

    Ace: "No need for threats. I'm merely trying to communicate your goals and desires to the Spurians."

    Callik: "Wait, I mean, it's a doll, I thought you quit playin' with dolls." (Note from Ace: It's an action figure, not a doll!)

    Callik: "I am merely communicating my intent to shoot you like a dog if ya insist on these needless provocations. For your readers."

    Ace: "Do you still plan to continue your war on Emjedah?"

    Ace: "For those who don't recall, Callik waged a war on the eastern city a few years ago due to the issue of slavery."

    Callik: "I plan on brining Lord and Timor Grandeur to justice, as well as the fould Ralin if and when I find the skulking cowards."

    Ace: "What about the city and those who now inhabit it?"

    Callik: "Who inhabits it?"

    Ace: "Kreston for example."

    Callik: "Kreston is who?"

    Ace: "A Frontacian. An important noble these days. Alya's husband."

    Callik: "Ah, Alyah, the former commisioner of tantrums of Emjedah?"

    Ace: "They've outlawed slavery and most of the population has changed. Do you still plan to war on them?"

    Callik: ""First, Timor's cuckold, then Ralin's concubine, then Grandeur's pet, then a merchant's toy, now a wife to another white-eye? THAT Ayla?"

    Callik: "Alyah, anlah., annahya?"

    Ace: "The one that used to sit on Emjedah's council."

    Callik: "Ah."

    Ace: "Alya."

    Callik: "Speak of a being with an itch, sheesh!"

    Callik: "Has she apologized to Treehaven? Has she offered herself for justice? Has she delivered the butchers?"

    *Callik listened intently to Ace*

    Ace: "Apparently not. But she isn't in Emjedah."

    Callik: "Then, may her children turn her face from her, may her womb grow barren."

    Ace: "What of those who remain in Emjedah? Are you at peace with them?"

    Callik: "May she weep for her lost hopes, may she die alone."

    Callik: "I will not consider Emjedah anything but a hostile state toward Treehaven until Timor and Ralin are delivered in chains to Treehaven or a reasonable facsimile."

    Ace: "Any other future plans or goals?"

    Callik: "Yes, to rid the forest of Saldea from the influence of Maloveous, so it can return to its natural splendor, and I can find giant bees for another plan."

    Ace: "I see....does this include slaying the master of Saladea?"

    Callik: "I am told it is impossible to rid the forest of this influence. No, I plan to reason with this master, first."

    Ace: "Any final comments or insults to our readers?"

    Callik: "It is an enclave of Odarous, I can't imagine why the odarians haven't done this thing yet. It puzzles me."

    Ace: "The stories state it plainly...the Odarians are afraid."

    Callik: "Ah, well, I can see why. It is a very frightening prospect. Not nearly as safe as running amok thumping yer chest, and demanding proper utensils at a tea party."

    Ace: "Any final comments or insults to our readers?"

    Callik: "Disarming able fighters so a mage can burn a fella to cinders."

    Callik: "Ah, yes, lately, I have been hurling insults at the god Sa. I would like to explain."

    Ace: "Sure."

    Callik: "This god sat, slep, swam, played billiards, or whatever a god does, while its minions were torturing my kin. I take that personally. That swelled boil of a god ALSO owes my people a measure of justice, but has it ever ONCE bowed its scabbed head and louse infested beard in regret?"

    Callik: "NO!"

    Callik: "And, by ELindale as my mother and the Catfish as my guide, that pig kissing drooler can dance with Taath, because to my mind it ain't no better."

    Callik: "Got that?"

    Ace: "Indeed."

    Callik: "if that god has any questions, it can see Elindale about my complaints."

    *Callik muttered a low firian curse*

    Ace: "Well, I want to thank you for the interview and for not shooting me."

    *Callik snorted angrily*

    Racial Rumbles

    As many know, the Monitanians recently went to war against the local Leuians, claiming the town of Meetpoint as their own. At the same time, a conflict is shaping up between Spur’s Thugians and Hithuals! Thurgg the Thugian punched the stomach of the pregnant Hithual Nicki, wife of Haberthan, setting off the conflict. It’s also accused that he stole her wedding ring.

    The wacky Hithual Noffbrau has been leading the conflict against the Thugians, refusing to rest until Thurgg is killed, he has recruited various associates to his cause, including Mental the Psycian and Juster the Sanene. If Noffbrau can lay off the bottle for more than an hour the Thugians may be in trouble.

    Historical Pictures

    This issue…the enigmatic Murdach!

    *Here is a sketch of a fearsome female Arachnian devouring the guts of a Flerian. The Flerian is smiling stupidly. A cold and cruel Psycian watches on along with other Taathians*

    *The caption below the sketch reads: Vekkatraka the Arachnian feasts on Murdach’s innards as he babbles on cheerfully*

    *Here is a sketch of a cheerful Flerian gesturing at a female Psycian. The Psycian’s godmark is a half of Sa and half of Unknown. A crowd of assorted Spurians watch, clearly in awe*

    *The caption below the sketch reads: Murdach performs a miracle, changing Alyniah the Psycian from a priestess of Sa into a high ranking priestess of Unknown. This act convinced many that Murdach is Unknown’s avatar*

    *Here is a sketch of a stunned warrior holding a talon blade with a mouth on it*

    *The caption below the sketch reads: Murdach changes him self into a talking talon blade*

    Memorial Held for Saian Regent

    Recently, Regent of SA Anvil Bloodbaine was bodily raptured to the afterworld. Before his assumption[/b] by SA, he gave the mark of his Regency, a delicately sculpted gold rose shaped gifted to him by his God through the hourglass, to the runemage Renalk. There was a small and obviously tight-knit group of Drag-als present, including the wizened Panick'a, Scruple, Gossamer and Korlit. Renalk and his wife Lillian attended, as well as the Sage Weldoian. Arriving seperately to pay thier respects to the fallen Regent were a conspicuous pair of black Leuians, Ward and our own Brave and Fearless Editor, Melraath. Also in attendence, in vomitingly drunk form was Noffbrau the Hithual, friend of this publication. The Memorial was held, after some threats of violence by Noffbrau to our Brave and Fearless Leader, within the Altar room of SA in the Tower in Emjedah. A beautiful and small tribute held by friends for a friend, there was no party atmosphere but one of solemn respect in the temple that Anvil had much influence in bringing to existence. Words of memory were spoken by nearly all present. Panick had a tale and some remembered feelings to relate, which we will relate here.

    Panick: "Seems silly to say, since we've said it many times since, but those were very dark days for Spur."

    Panick: "There came a time when Sa deemed it necessary to send his ultimate weapons down to us...the Swords o'Sa."

    Panick: "For Aiena threatened to ruin magick for us all."

    Panick: "Anvil, like me, was flabberghasted to have been chosen."

    Panick: "He bore the black sword, I, the white."

    Panick: "With great honor, always, did he wield it.;"

    Panick: "And the swords were integral in defeating Aiena."

    Panick: "With the addition o'the grey sword, wielded by Kralen, we succeeded in driving her and her hoard from the realm, ne'er to be heard from again."

    Panick: "As wielders o'the swords, Anvil and I grew very close."

    Panick: "They weave a powerful magick, and we began referring to each other as brother and sister."

    Panick: "Many were the times we'd go out together and practice blades and shield together."

    Panick: "Always, he was a wonderful companion. True and strong, yet always quick with a laugh."

    Panick: "He'd have laid his life down for his templemates."

    Panick: "And now, finally, it seems he did indeed lay down his life for a worthy cause."

    Panick: "I rejoice in the Hithual he was, all I was gifted with by knowing him, and that he died fighting for something. He'd have wanted that."

    To close the memorial Renalk donated the delicately sculpted gold rose shaped ring to SA, so that it may return when need arose. Unfortunately, Noffbrau tried to argue against returning it to SA, but used his better judgement when his templemates wished it to return to SA with Anvil. A blinding pillar of argent light shone down upon the delicately sculpted gold rosed shape ring as Renalk held up up high in his hands and then he placed it on the cracked blue ruby runestone altar of the temple. The delicately sculpted gold rose shaped ring flared brightly and joined the pillar of light before sinking without a trace into the rune-carved blue ruby altar, which was mended by the presence of SA.

    It was an apt and fitting remembrance of a great leader of our Age. Anvil will be missed, surely, by all of his congregations across the land and his many Hithual family and friends and his numerous acquaintances of all walks of life and ethos.

    Cakes Abducted

    Amid great joy and well wishes the Secian heartthrob Equality (See Secian Stud, Vol. 1 Issue 3) was wed to Clara, putting an end to Equality’s trail of heartbroken female Secians. The happy event was marred only by the theft by the gluttonous Go-blin-al Condie, who stole two cakes. In a display of grace and charm, Condie devoured a whole cake at the scene of the crime, then absconded with the second cake.

    Stanrar Pregnancy Shocker

    According to sources close to him, the Human Stanrar is carrying the child of the third stage dragon Deprovato’a. Kagee, wife of Stanrar, and Kyrinne, bondmate of Deprovato’a, aren’t sure yet how to how to take the situation and have agreed to cover it up, for now. Meanwhile, Stanrar has been showing off sparklies he claims his “bondmate” bought him.

    In a bizarre twist on an already strange story, the Human named Dragonman is claiming the child is his and threatening to abduct it. The staff wishes Stanrar luck with motherhood and a child with healthy scales.

    Insanite Weds Murderer

    In other wedding news, Olesia the Rinannian Sanene is marrying Karatova, a Rinannian Usil. Such events set most San’s teeth on edge, but all may not be as happy as it appears. There are rumors that Karatova has gone into fits of rage, attacking Spurian citizens in town. On several occasions the psionic guards have had to restrain the murderous Usil. Does Olesia know this other side of her beau? Will she survive the honeymoon? We’ll bring you all the gore and details when we know more.

    Interview With Grunt

    Our Brave and Fearless Leader searched out the small garbage collector Grunt the Go-blin-al and, risking his own health and well being, spent some time discussing life, unpaid wages, the Spurian Workers Union, and strikes.

    Melraath: "Allright here's as good a place."

    Grunt: "Wut we's doin uhgain? Uhkay.”

    Melraath: "I'm going to ask you questions."

    *Grunt stared blankly.*

    Melraath: "About your work with the Union and you'll answer me."

    Grunt: "Uhkay."

    Melraath: "Then I'll publish it in the Slanderer, I'm sure you've seen discarded copies during working hours, eh?"

    Grunt: "Sho hab. Is dis goin be about mah promoshun too?"

    Melraath: "Let's start at the beginning.. How did you find out that the Workforce office was no longer paying you?"

    Grunt: "Bout right aftuh Rinnanininianimus I's tink. How long go wus dat?”

    Melraath: "A while ago, for sure. Almost a year."

    Grunt exclaims, "dang! A year!?!?"

    Melraath: "I am an employee of the City as well- I found out by a simple disappearance of Mr. Fellows.. Is that how you were informed?"

    Grunt: “Yeh, das how. Seent mah ruhpotes in an nebbuh seent hims at hims offiz. Den I's jus stopt sendin ruhpotes an kept workin."

    Melraath: "Diligence, my friend."

    Melraath: "That means hard work without worrying about the negative parts of it."

    Grunt: "I's aint eben realized dat I wus workin completeluh fo free, I's jus figgud hims git back an pays me."

    Melraath: "Ok you finally got fed up and went on Strike yes?"

    Grunt: "Yeh, did dat bout a munf er so uhgo. But no wait."

    *Melraath raised an eyebrow*

    Grunt: "I's diddunt go on strike til duh Yoonyin fomed."

    Melraath: "You were instrumental in forming the Union, correct?"

    Grunt: "DEN we's wen on strike. Yeah, I's a Yoonyin leaduh, one ob dems. Mo like a repruhzennitib."

    Melraath: "Pardon. A representative? Is that what you said?"

    Grunt: "Yeh! Das wut I's said!"

    Melraath: "How did you go about bringing the Unions grief to the city officials? Who did you speak to and how many names were on the petition you had passed about the Spur?"

    Grunt: "Fo awhile, we's aint tink duh Gubner cared at all. Wels, deres bout fiftuh peepuls dat had dere name on it."

    Melraath: "So the number of petitioners persuaded the governor to respond to the Union?"

    Grunt: "An a bunch dat tried helpin wheer deys cood wif talkin an protes's at duh Gubners gate."

    Grunt: “Wels, duh Gubner sent dat hims diddunt know nuffin bout Kelsey skippin town an wus grateful duh Yoonyin made duh trubbuls known tuh hims. Like dat Nutmeg an Kabita, deys helpt real good. Aint no one wus happuh bout all duh trubbuls bah dat Kelsey. So duh Gubner put a ruhwode on dat guy fo like 2000 golds! Kelsey took all duh golds an papuh work too I's guess.”

    Melraath: "So you, and other Union leaders and representatives inspired the government, which is known foe inaction, into actually doing something? Was it difficult?"

    Grunt: "Wels, not realluh. Hims seems liek a nice guy. We's jus made sho deys heard us good."

    Melraath: "How did you do that?"

    Grunt: "Talkt wif Sitney a lot an made sho hims talkt wif dat Gubner."

    Melraath: "Sidney the Barrister, correct?"

    Grunt: "Oh yeh! Hims eben offert tuh take ober Kelsey's work an not eben run wif duh golds."

    Melraath: "I heard about that, as an employee of the Workforce myself. What about your new promotion you mentioned? What was it and how'd that come about?"

    Grunt: "Yeh, deys tolt me I's now in charge ob watchin duh res ob duh street cleanuhs an I's spost tuh git dere name if deys aint workin good. I's kin eben fire dems!"

    Melraath: "Power, always a good thing eh?"

    Grunt: "So I wus goin git me a firer tuh fire at dems, but deys said sumptin botu dat...I's aint knows. Powder aint good!"

    *Grunt scowled*

    *Melraath nodded*

    Grunt: "Is hard tuh cleans up. Aint swep up intuh dis real well."

    Melraath: "Well, I'm sorry to hear that."

    *Grunt gestured with the Spurian steel dustpan*

    Grunt: "Aint sweep, I's mean."

    Melraath: "Well listen, we at the Slanderer are grateful for your time and the Spur and all it's employees are greatful for the hard work you did to clean up the Workforce office and get the governor to take action on something!"

    *Melraath beamed at Grunt*

    Grunt: "Powders liek duh worst ting tuh sweep up."

    Melraath: "That's about it for the interview, thanks Grunt."

    Grunt: "Oh! Kin yoos tells dem tuh fine me if deys got cleanin ups tuh do at contes's an dere house er sumptin? I's do side jobs dat aint public."


    Grunt will clean anything good! Odd jobs and Parties a specialty! Post in News of Spur for Grunt Moil."


    Deadly Diets

    What do the Psycians Syntrik and Zhen have in common? They are in the grip of a powerful curse, a compulsion to diet to the point of endangering their health. It is a common byproduct of Psycian culture, where fatter body types are rare and discouraged. Some Psycians engage in the practice of forced vomiting after meals. This can cause acidic damage to the throat and teeth, as well as leading to malnutrition. Friends have expressed their fears, but no end to the life threatening diets are in sight.

    Ferocious Fir

    A Fir has been seen in Spur’s TSC with a similar temper and surname as the notorious Fir Elf Oakleaf Forestwalker. Oakleaf was most known for attacking Sanene on sight and for being castrated by the local Thieves' Guild. Be this Oakleaf or some relation, the new Fir named Ra’lyn Forestwalker wasted no time, immediately attacking large amounts of Sanene.

    Ra’lyn told several people in the Square that he held all San Elves as an affront to nature and that their very existence sickens him. He had some heated conversations before leaving, only to return shortly after to attack, firing his crossbow at the Sanene Jalnus, Haji, Sinnamon, and others. Tir and other Spurians stepped in, driving him off, but he returned many times to launch assaults at Sanene in the square. Finally, he was killed and his crossbow taken to protect the residents of Spur from further attacks.

    He also launched attacks on Vixen the Sanene, who he believes to be involved in his accident. Many wanted to know what his problem was, so Vixen related the story of how he became a eunuch and explained that he must be trying to prove he is still a man, despite having his manhood removed.

    Likely we will be seeing more of him. Beware Sanene, his attacks have been known to cause injuries, mainly from falls during extended periods of intense laughter.

    Changeman’s Vault

    Welcome again to the Vault, where words come back to haunt you. Many thanks to the few people that provided me with a large amount of quotes. I’ll need everyone’s help to keep this column going, as I’m far too lazy to collect them myself. If you enjoyed this column, please send us quotes at SpurianSlanderer@hotmail.com in the Poor Quarter. If it’s amusing, interesting, from a famous person, from an important event, or just plain stupid, then the quote qualifies for the column. You will receive 50 gold for every quote we print. Long quotes are more than welcome and quotes in other languages are especially prized.

    “Get your fill of quotes ye can twist and make lies out of from someone else Ace and do not push your luck with me. "
    -Rev the Hithual sword cleric, First Warder of Odareous

    Treyfalgar, speaking to Sighard: “Ever see a urine colored drake?”
    *Treyfalgar gestured at Voskresenieye*
    Treyfelgar: “Behold the great piss colored drake!”
    -Treyfelgar the Sanene, Inquisitor of Taath

    Noffbrau, (speaking to Mental): “It’s called lak of intelegence.”
    -Noffbrau the Hithual fighter
    Arianne: "You paid a lot of money for a rock."
    Teef: "Yup! But it's perty."
    Arianne: "You're priceless dear."
    *Kraggon nodded up and down*
    Kraggon: "In a cheap sort of way."
    Teef: "Yeah."
    Teef: "I mean no!"
    Kraggon: "No!"
    *Arianne stared at Teef and Kraggon*
    Arianne: "You're both... hilarious."
    Kraggon exclaims to Arianne, "priceless in a priceless sort of way!"
    -Arianne the Sanene locksmith, Teef the Human shadowmage, and Kraggon the Hithual fighter

    Lucas(speaking to Lii, about Treyfalgar): "I mean no disrespect, but that man is a liar and a coward. It sickens me that he'd use his temple to fight his own personal battles."
    -Lucas the Human sword cleric

    “Taath loves teamwork.”
    -Rone the Sanene hand cleric of Taath

    Noffbrau: "And to please meh.”
    Sindelle: "Had you been closer, I would have slapped you."
    Noffbrau: My arse is gettin sore, ahh wish yed stop dat. Ahh come on now, whos yer daddy?"
    -Noffbrau the Hithual Fighter and Sindelle the Sanene runemage

    Noffbrau(speaking to Osire): "No yer not gettin near my arse."
    -Noffbrau the Hithual Fighter and Osire the Hithual cleric, Archon of Unknown

    Treyfalgar: "What would you say is a fair price for your templemates destroying a priceless taathian artifact?"

    Kraggon: "Trey, oh, ye no need to pay us. We do that fer free."
    -Treyfalgar the Sanene hand cleric, Inquisitor of Taath and Kraggon the Hithual fighter

    Teef(speaking to Romilin): "Yeah, human brains are hard to find."
    -Teef the Human shadowmage and Romilin the Psycian psion

    “Juster (speaking to Grunt): "Thanks for the blow."
    -Juster the Sanene and Grunt the Go-blin-al

    Kagee(speaking to Stanrar as she looked at him and downward): "You're a Secian."
    -Kagee the Sanene cleric

    Haberthan: "But I am better with the ladies."
    Immortalis: "Small but sturdy eh. "
    -Haberthan the Hithual and Immortalis the dracoform

    Phannah: "Oh, and I heard this voice in the forest when I got off the ferry.”

    Phannah says, "Something about the brood is coming. And only the dragons will be welcome in the forest. The smell of dragon marrow is on the wind."
    -Phannah the Human cleric and Vixen the Sanene locksmith

    Sindelle (Speaking to Phannah): “Thank you. I'll remember that you're willing to answer the question should I ever feel the need to direct it to you.”
    -Sindelle the Sanene runemage and Phannah the Human cleric

    “Stand within the center of a star, and with a gusty wind, come the strumming of a guitar. With the notes, all that you tote, you pick up and find the goat."
    -a strange yellow-eyed Flerian, speaking to Tir on her quest to rescue Cordelia

    Asherak Quotes

    Asherak: "Creatures of the city of Spur, stand in awe of my presence, he who transcends time and reality and exists beyond even the powers of the Gods."

    A: “Already I have begun to transform the creatures of your lands, their powers grow one race at a time until they will tear this pathetic city down block by block."

    A: In time, all will once again know the name of the greatest mage who ever lived. All lands will serve my name, and each of you will be slaves to the powers of my magic. Prepare yourselves."

    A: Those who rejoice in my coming shall be rewarded, all others shall fall beneath the hand of my domination of this world. You have been warned."

    Asherak the Penthanian mage, would be conquerer of Spur

    Top Sixes by Sarsh

    I am Sarsh, Guardian of the Top Six Lists. There will be no cheating, or you will dishonor your ancestors, and I will claw out your liver and feed it to you. There has been some confusion on the voting. Please only vote once for each category, not six times. We then use those votes to find the top six people in six categories.

    Most Just
    1. Orin
    2. Gallaior
    3. Cieran
    4. Aurak
    5. Slade
    6. Draffut

    These are individuals dedicated to truth and in seeing the guilty punished. I commend their behavior, but it is rather disturbing that a filthy serpent was voted in.

    Most Likely To Cheat On Their Spouse Or Mate
    1. Phannah
    2. Teef
    3. Stanrar
    4. Olesia
    5. Luna
    6. Spite

    Phannah and Teef dominated this category. I believe someone should lock that young lady away in a monastery and the filthy serpent’s ears should be boxed.

    Spurians With Murderous Intentions
    1. Noffbrau
    2. Treyfalgar
    3. Augatil
    4. Vincentiv
    5. Stanrar
    6. Thurgg

    These are Spurians just as likely to carve you up as talk to you. Approach them with caution. Hopefully someone will organize some law enforcement and they will be dealt with.

    Smelliest Spurians
    1. Condie
    2. Grimn
    3. Kagee
    4. Thurrg
    5. Mao
    6. Grunt

    Perhaps these individuals should be required by law to bathe. Their stench has caused many a Spurian to lose their lunch.

    Female You’d Most Like To Take To The Pride Hall
    1. Vixen
    2. Jade
    3. Nibiru
    4. Xaphania
    5. Phannah
    6. Naomi

    The San ran away with this category. Why people would vote for these vile creatures I do not know. The many rumors about her helped propel Phannah onto this list.

    Spurian Most Likely To Pick Fights
    1. Thurgg
    2. Noffbrau
    3. Augatil
    4. Crusher
    5. Varnfair
    6. Lii

    These are individuals who are not necessarily out to kill anyone, but love a good fight. Their violent tendencies would be better used in the gladiator arena or fighting monsters.

    Ring Found

    The Anthian Luna found a ring of the Arch-magi recently and gave it to the Drag-al Gossamer. It is an exact match of the staff held by Jurax. This lucky find has many adventurers scouring the realms for similar finds. Word is the mage Sindelle recently purchased another one.

    Return of Aiena?

    Followers of Aiena have been spotted near Spur by adventurers. They claimed they were searching for some powerful armor to return Aiena to godhood. Coincidence or not, it’s rumored the Saians were also looking for some armor. In the past, it was SA and his followers that defeated Aiena.

    Children of the Night
    by Melraath Silentpaw

    Darkness encroaching-
    the shadows arise.
    We join the world-
    from sleep, we open our eyes.
    Silence in motion-
    creeping through the dark.
    Streets and alcoves-
    waiting to find the mark.
    Deft motions-
    from our shadowed place.
    Brief tug and we have it-
    no one seeing any trace.
    Another purse, another fool-
    the work of Thieves and Tarr.
    We are seen as weak-
    but can harm the most, by far.
    What better way to ruin-
    the greedy fat cat merchants.
    But to make them poor-
    empty wallets, like comman pissants.
    Remember, take note-
    never cross the pursesnatcher.
    We have power to destroy-
    you'll suffer long after.

    Naked Celebrity Pictures

    *Here is a sketch of a short, slender Leuian with fine, honey brown fur and an obese Hithual with coppery red hair groveling naked before a crowd of vicious looking Sanene. A muscular Human with distant eyes watches from the side, as if debating something*

    *The caption below the sketch reads: Kandil and Nicki the Odarians are conquered by a Taathian death squad. Lii the Taathian Human philosophizes to the side*

    *Here is a sketch of a tall, red-haired Human with a haughty bearing. She is wearing nothing but a few leaves in her hair and is being tugged between three males: two Humans and one Fir Elf*

    *The caption below the sketch reads: Phannah is fought over by Callik, Dhameon, and Teef, much to her delight*


    Don’t miss the party! Visit Nibiru’s mug house, located on the east trade road, inside Syntrik’s tradepost.


    Thanks for reading. If you would like to advertise with us, contact us at SpurianSlanderer@hotmail.com.

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